Family life

31/10/10

It is interesting staying with a family and seeing life unfolding in a way that you could almost never imagine to be part of when you are back in your own life in the UK or watching some film on TV.

I got asked yesterday “Have you ever spoken to a black man?” by S the older son from the father’s first marriage. He had wide eyes when I explained  that I have black friends and live in a very black area. It is hard for them to comprehend maybe that Britain and America, especially in the big cities, are not filled with white people and that are a multicultural and multilingual mix of people.

His other comment made me smile, apparently according to him, in New York they will comment if you wear the same thing twice two days in a row. I didn’t know how to answer, but said that yes, usually for work you would change your clothes every day.

It is Sunday, and cleaning day today, M, the little girl is sweeping the kitchen floor, we have been watching Scooby Doo cartoon in Russian. I haven’t seen Z yet. Her mother is also busying around, we agree that a woman’s work is never done, and there is always something to do in the home. It isn’t possible to come home from work and relax.

The youngest boy is meant to stay with his family and living near by, the daughter in law is meant to cook for her parents in law, which is how they will judge her value, by the deliciousness of her dishes. However the husband, according to his wife, wants Z to move away, possibly to seek better opportunities in the West, and she is sad that her young son might not live near them but sees that it might be better. She has a great desire to travel and increase her knowledge herself, and asks me about the places I have been to. “What is Geneva like, are there poor people in Africa?”.

The girls marry early as they cannot have a boyfriend without marrying them, otherwise they will be poorly looked on by the family of the prospective husband.

The little girl goes to a different school, as I understand it a less academic one, than the boy. This gives her more time to do her art. The mother would love her to go to Germany to study to be a doctor, but the father believes she is more an artist than a doctor.

A woman told me about her mother who was not allowed to go to school – she was stopped from doing it by her father as she was a girl. She described her grandfather as being like men in Afghanistan. Because they lived in the village it was easy enough for him to do this even during Soviet times. The teacher came to get her a few times, but in the end the grandfather, who was known for his temper, won. If they had lived in the city it would have been more difficult for him to get his way.

Women in Tajikistan are expected to leave work when they get married, similar to the UK 60 years ago. Most women are happy to do this. Nizora thinks in Dushanbe maybe 60% do but here in KT over 80% do.